5 Ways To Have Great
Conversations
Think about
the people you know who seem to bring out the best in you whenever you talk to
them: You feel comfortable talking to them and could go on talking forever.
They could be old friends or someone you just met, but the conversation just
seems to flow smoothly and naturally.
If you wish
you had the natural ability to make conversation that the people you admire
have, don’t despair. Having meaningful conversations is something that can be
learned, and with focus and practice, we can all become better at it.
Here are
five key things that will put us on the right track:
Have you
ever had someone talk endlessly about something that you didn't have the
slightest interest in? It probably felt like they were having a conversation
with themselves and you just happened to be there. These people seem to be
oblivious to the idea that you may not share their interest.
The best
conversations begin with showing an interest in the other person, their world,
and what they might be interested in. Most people love to talk about
themselves. Ask them an open-ended question about something that you notice
about them. If you can give them a sincere compliment or give them positive
feedback, you've made a great start. Great conversationalists have a sincere interest
in others, notice things about them, and use these things to start and fuel
their conversations.
Most people
are thinking about what they want to say next while someone else is speaking.
Become aware of this during your conversations, and when you find your mind
going to a response, stop and try to force yourself to listen. This is not
easy, especially if you are highly extroverted. You can practice by spending
time with your partner or a friend and repeating back to them what they just
said. This exercise helps create awareness of the amount of time we actually
spend active listening to others.
Think of the
people that you are willing to open up to and share things with. What is it
about them that makes you so comfortable disclosing things that you wouldn't
normally with others?
Likely they
are good at making eye contact with you and making you feel like you are
receiving their full and undivided attention. Pay attention to their
expressions. Notice that they are with you not only in the tone of their words
but in their expressions. Their faces light up when you are sharing something
you are happy or excited about, and they take on a solemn, sad look when you
are sharing bad news. You sense and feel that they are totally engrossed in
what you are telling them.
If emulating
what they are doing seems unnatural to you, practice and push yourself to do
so. Notice that people will start to react differently to you.
We can get
others to share more by showing an interest and asking open-ended questions to
help them get deeper into the conversation. Good questions are asking someone
how they think or feel about something that they are talking about. If you have
talked to someone before, ask them about things that they volunteered in the
conversation before. Likely, if they brought up something on their own, it is
of interest and some importance to them. Ask yourself what other areas that are
related to their interests that they would love to talk about.
Never start
a conversation beyond exchanging quick pleasantries unless you have the time to
hear the other person out. Places that are noisy with a lot of people around
are not the best places to engage in great conversation. Good conversation
requires a slow, relaxed pace and a pressure-free atmosphere free of
distractions. Coffee shops are great for this purpose. Sports bars—not so much.
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